just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
