I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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