I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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