I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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