Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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