The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
