I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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