I'd wear matching sweaters with you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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