I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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