Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
