and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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