There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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