oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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