Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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