im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
