I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
