I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
