she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
