Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
