He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
