yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
