guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
