Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
