Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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