WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
