it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
