I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
