I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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