All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
