Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
