so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
