It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
