I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
