areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
