one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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