She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
