i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
