I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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