ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
