Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
