Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
