Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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