Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
