I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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