I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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