Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
