break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
