I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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