I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
