When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
