the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
