we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And then he peed in my hair
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