sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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