i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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