Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
